Search our Blog

Search our Blog

Friday, April 4, 2025

When Solo Aging is a Lifestyle

  




As more people become solo agers, they're creating a new way to age in community. 

 

For a working definition of solo ager, we like the one put forth by patient advocates Nancy Ruffner and Gerda Maissel, MD: older “individuals who, by choice or circumstances, function without the support system traditionally provided by family.” According to an AARP survey from last year, 13% of adults over 50 live alone and have no living children who would be able to care for them. Of these solo agers, 49% feel “extremely or somewhat optimistic” about their quality of life as they age. Only 22% feel pessimistic. 

If that level of optimism seems high, it may be because the public perception of solo aging has long been: “avoid at all costs.” But solo aging is no curse. As Ruffner and Maissel point out, the media portrayal of solo agers has improved in recent years; instead of lamenting the lonely fate of “elder orphans,” we’re now hearing more about how adults over 50 are building community. There’s also a growing understanding that many of us will either be solo agers ourselves or experience the kinds of challenges faced by solo agers at some point, in moments when our children and spouses are unable or unavailable to support us. 

Whether people intentionally chose to age solo or found themselves a solo ager due to circumstances, it can be possible to turn solo aging into a lifestyle that works for them. Here’s some inspiration from people who are doing just that. 

Placing a Premium on Friendship

Chicagoan and solo ager David Fink has spent his career in the arts as a theater promoter. “People keep adopting me,” Fink told AARP. “If you live your life with a positive attitude and do interesting things, people befriend you.” In his mid-60s, he says he has friends of all ages because of his many different interests. He serves on the board of an arts organization and takes part in storytelling classes. 

In her recent book The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, Rhaina Cohen profiles Barb Buettner and Inez Conrad, two single friends who, as they approached retirement, decided to link up to support each other as they aged. After two decades of friendship, with shared travels and holidays, they chose to move together to a new area of the country with the intention to buy separate houses. But they realized neither could afford a house on their own. “We thought, Well, we never killed each other on a trip,” Buettner said. “Maybe this could work out.” That was in 1998. In her book, Cohen recounts how Barb and Inez formed a partnership that went beyond friends in the way that we typically use the word. They were partners, and eventually, caregivers, granting each other medical and legal power of attorney. 

While not every solo ager would want or be lucky enough to form this kind of friend partnership, it was life changing for Barb and Inez. They were grateful to have each other to rely on when COVID hit. Today, they have a circle of friends, but they’re still each other’s go-to person. 

A Solo Ager and Superager

Hilda Jaffee lives alone in her apartment in Manhattan, as she has for 20 years. She made the move to fulfill a dream–at the age of 88. At 102, she tries to walk 3,000 steps a day, has only a few health complaints, and enjoys grocery shopping and volunteering in her neighborhood. A recent profile in the Washington Post labeled Jaffee a “superager,” a person age 95 and up who has a high level of well-being. She herself attributes her long life to “pragmatism” and a “can-do” attitude.

Perhaps some elements of her solo aging lifestyle contribute to her exceptional well-being at 102. She told the Post that she likes living alone because she can make all her own decisions. “If a problem comes up, I work it out,” she said. While she has time and space, she doesn’t experience social isolation. Jaffee keeps in touch with family and friends, and she’s a member at the Met Opera and frequents all the major New York museums. She volunteers as a docent at the public library and on the adult education board of her synagogue. 

“Loneliness, it’s not an issue,” she said. “I have enough to do within my capability.”

A New Paradigm

Solo aging comes with challenges, not least of all financial challenges, which are on average more serious for women and minoritized people. Social isolation is a growing mental and physical health risk for older Americans, as well. But as these challenges affect more and more older adults, they’re envisioning new ways to solve the problems that come with aging without traditional family-based support systems. Once boomers and Gen Xers have left their mark on the way Americans age, maybe we won’t even need the term solo ager anymore.



Posted by at